Why You Should Do What Makes YOU Most Happy

“True happiness arises, in the first place, from the enjoyment of one’s self.”

Joseph Addison

Do what makes you happy .. or maybe I should say, what makes you feel fulfilled, or content.

I am not always great at this one. I definitely think about other people, before I think of myself. I think of them in regards to how it will make them feel, or react – for instance, I am really a blond by nature. Well, I wasn’t really born a blond, I am more of that mousy, no real color, dirty blond (ick), but I mostly spend my life as a blond. However, that gets tiring. It is the upkeep, and I am really picky as to how my blond looks – it can’t be too sunshiny (or golden), but it can’t be too brassy, and the roots definitely need to not show. Or barely show.

SO, once in a while, I get tired of the upkeep and I go brunette. I don’t like “in-between” colors, so if I am blond, I am BLOND, and if I am brunette, I am a BRUNETTE. I know, that every time I go towards the dark side, that my oldest daughter is not going to be happy. She has always reacted in a negative way when I darken my hair, starting from when she was a baby. She just doesn’t like it. Now, mind you, she has begged me for YEARS to go pink – but brunette is just too much for her to handle. So, you can bet that when I am sitting in the hairdresser’s chair, waiting for the dark treatment, that I am hesitating on my decision. Why? Because I know that my daughter is going to hate it.

These are the decisions that I struggle with all the time. They aren’t perhaps big decisions, or life changing decisions, but they are changes that I know will affect someone that I care about in a negative way. Or maybe even in a different way. This bothers me – probably more than it should.

I am also very cognizant of how people perceive me. I want to be viewed as professional, mature, and respectful. If I am doing something that calls attention to myself in a negative light, and I think that people are either judging me according to that, OR, not taking me seriously for the intelligent person that I am, that is also a big “no-no”.

Some of the attention that is paid to people’s perceptions is good. Similarly, it is a positive thing to make sure that the people in your life are taken care of, and at times, before yourself. I mean, I wouldn’t want to be the person who just throws everything up the air and screams, “if you don’t like me, too bad!!”. I know there are people like that, and if you are one of them, hooray for you! I wish I could have a LITTLE bit of that element from you, but I wouldn’t want to fully be of that mind. However, it makes it hard to do things for ME – things that I know will improve my contentment or my overall happiness, especially if I know that it will infringe on the above concerns.

I think there is something to be said about this, perhaps, being easier for really young people (their id and their ego are definitely their primary concerns), and for older people. Once you get to a certain age, I am sure that you have lived long enough that you just don’t care about how people see you (regardless, you are going to be true to you). I think I am getting closer and closer to that place, but I have to say I am not quite there yet.

My husband and I have a very respectful marriage. We try to make sure the other person has a say in whatever decisions we are making, independently. I mean, after all, it isn’t just ME that most of these decisions impact. So, when I started talking about really wanting to pierce my nose again, and he reacted relatively negatively to the idea, I didn’t [originally] press the issue. However, the thought never went away.

About 10 1/2 years ago, I pierced my nose. I know, I am such a rebel. I really liked the piercing – of course I was quite a bit younger then – however, time passed and I finally had my daughter and earned the title of ‘mom’, and I officially began my career (all around the same time). Between me, now having a child, and also me, wanting to be looked at as a professional, I made the decision to remove my nose piercing for good. At the time, I wasn’t hugely sad about it – I had enough “new” things to fulfill me – but interestingly enough, I never threw my nose jewelry out.

Fast forward many years, and about a year and a half ago, I started really wishing for my nose piercing back. Perhaps a silly fetish, but I just missed that element on my face. I also remember telling my hair dresser that I feel as though I live my life as an alter ego. Outside – what I show people – is the poised, put-together, preppy, teacher. But inside – inside is the pink-haired, back tattooed, nose pierced girl who takes chances with her wardrobe and presents as much edgier. My personality and my temperament never change between the two, but what I present externally, does.

As time went on, I started dropping hints and comments to my husband that I really wanted my nose piercing back, and I thought I might really do it. His reaction ranged from nothing (he was just quiet), to an out-right, “umm, no“, to, “why would you want to do that? You are old”. (That last one stung a little.)

I started asking questions to myself like, why can’t I? and, who’s problem is it, really, if they don’t like it? I began to realize that MY happiness, and MY contentment was, for some strange reason, tied to this little piece of jewelry. After some time, I got to the point where I worked my way of thinking around what I felt other people might do or say about it, and decided that I was going to follow through with it, regardless.

When I told my husband that I was definitely getting it done a few days from then, he looked at me and said, “there is nothing in the universe that says you have to do what your husband wants, or doesn’t want. If you want it that bad, go get it done.” That was all the support that I needed. I made my appointment, and a few days later, I had my piercing back.

While this THING that I wanted was small, it symbolized so much more for me. This is YOUR life. Your one shot to make it what you need and want it to be. And while I still struggle with owning my decision, and not caring what people think of it when they see me (the other day in conversation with a doctor, I turned away slightly so he could see it less, hoping he would find me more professional), I know that there is something to be said for me and my happiness.

Piercing my nose didn’t hurt anyone (well, it stung a little for me). It didn’t create some major ripple in the earth’s rotation. It was simply a little edginess that allowed me to express a small piece of creativity, and perhaps a little “peeking-out” of my alter ego. And like they say, if someone has a problem with that, it speaks larger volumes about them than it does, about me.

So, do the little things that make you happy; that bring you contentment; that make you feel like YOU. And don’t feel bad for any of those “things”, because as the age-old adage goes: “be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”