The Rat Race That is Motherhood: I’m Right There With Ya

“Every day is something comical. Every day when you’re raising kids, you feel like you could cry or crack up and just scream ‘This is ridiculous!’ because there’s so much nonsense, whether it’s what they’re saying to you or the fact that there’s avocado or poop on every surface. When you present an unrealistic idea of perfection to people, it’s not fair.”

Kristen Bell

For the people who know me really well, they know that I am OBSESSED with Kristen Bell. Well, maybe not obsessed (that makes me sound like a psycho) but I really, really like her. I love the shows that she produces-Veronica Mars began my love affair-she is hysterical and I laugh at almost everything she jokes about-I mean, have you ever seen the Ellen episode with Dax and Kristen trying to guess what food the other is eating, blind folded? Legit tears streaming down my face and I have seen it about 15 times. She is just real. She talks about her own struggles and she is honest about parenting. Comically, she makes me feel less insane about my own parenting. And as mothers, we could all use that.

When I was leaving my daughter’s daycare today after picking her up from a long day at work and a quick trip to the gym, I watched another mother head toward the driver’s side door of her van. On the way her shoulders slumped, her head fell back, and she closed her eyes. I thought 3 things at the time: oh, you poor thing; honey, don’t I feel you; and, if this isn’t the perfect picture of motherhood, I don’t know what is. You could tell that she had nothing left after wrestling her two young daughters into the vehicle.

And that is when I started to think-I am going to write a blog post about this, but not in my typical way. This is not going to be a post that tells you to take a breath. Or, count to ten. Or, do something for yourself-you know, self care! Because all mothers KNOW these things. All mothers know that they work best under stress if they have some time for themselves thrown in there. They know that they should talk with other moms, and “not let it get to them”. But does this knowledge help!? NO!!! It does not!

Motherhood is hard! It doesn’t matter if you are a working mother or a stay at home mom, it is all a struggle.

I am very lucky to have a partner that tries his best to meet me in the middle. He is a very active dad-he shares the responsibility of bedtime routines and nighttime reading; he will get up (sometimes I have to shove him a little, but, ya know) at least 2 times to my 6 to check on why the kids are up at night (currently it is due to a cough that would drive anyone crazy); and he showers our girls in attention-he will cook with them, play with them, build things with them, and so on. They (at least my oldest) 130,000 percent prefer him over me (he also gives candy and ice cream much easier than I do. I suppose that’s a dad-thing).

But even with all of that support, I still do more than I can even count in a body of writing. And within all of those extras, the main difference between he and I is that I never stop-especially within my mind. When I’m working I am half thinking about whether my oldest remembers about her appointment after school. While at the gym, I am thinking about the potential note I will get from daycare on whether my youngest has scratched, hit, or thrown ice at anyone during the course of the day (yes, these have all been common occurrences at times).

I am also, physically, the one who does 95% of it-running to doctor’s appointments, to sporting practices, picking one up from after school clubs, making and running for playdates, shopping at last minute for things they “have to have” ..you know.. all the things that mothers do. And I am here to tell you: some days, IT SUCKS!

THAT is the point of this post. To gripe. To commiserate. To say, I HEAR YA, SISTAH, and that I am right there with you!

I love my girls immensely-of course I do! My oldest, Whitney, is one of the smartest kids that I know (yes, I am one of those mothers. But it is true-she is!). She is an avid reader and has read since she was 4 (she and I share a love of books and it is all that I could have hoped for). She currently loves dragons and reading about Greek Gods (not something I ever had any interest in, but to each his own). The kid will devour a graphic novel in 20 minutes and ask me to get her the second one at the same time.

My little Emerson is the “baby” of the family, and she is most things cuddly and good. She has incredible empathy-even for a 4-year-old-and will randomly tell me that she loves me and that I am beautiful. For all of Whit’s intelligence, Emmy seems to already exhibit work ethic, which is an interesting contrast.

However-and here is the big however-Whitney has demonstrated incredible attitude, already at the age of 9 (i.e. without even the intro of hormones-God save our souls). She outright refuses to put 100% into her work, like ever (remember how smart she is? Yeah, well, she keeps it tucked away for a rainy day) and she will openly tell us that she was better suited as an only child.

Little Emerson wants you to know what her expectations are, and will use physical force when needed to show them to you. We have signed incident reports at school due to her throwing ice at a boy, stuffing another boy in a toy oven and not letting him out (yeah, okay, this one is a little funny), and scratching a girl down the face because she was too close to her in line (definitely a “personal space kid” when she was really little).

All of this, on top of personal health, “me time” (yeah right), work during work hours, work during home hours, building a blog, conversations about both my husband and I going back to school for our Master’s degrees, running a household .. and on .. and on ..

If you see my life on Facebook you would think it was near perfect. I mean, you could say the same thing after looking at the images on this blog post. We are always smiling, the sun is out, it is a good day. This is with most Facebook accounts. But life is not, like ever, that clean. We all have our days. We love our kids, our husbands, our wives, fiercely, but we all struggle to make the ends of everything left hanging meet at the end of the day. It is not just you!!

So, while Kristen Bell has great advice: “Be patient with yourself. Put on your gas mask first, because you’re useless to everyone else if you’re too stressed out. Know when to take a break.”-it isn’t always that simple. Nor does a break every once in a while greatly change the day-to-day rat race that is motherhood. So, grin, bear it, snuggle those babies tight even if you want to smother them instead, and walk into another day, knowing that none of this will last. And when it doesn’t last, I am sure that we will all want terribly to get it back.