Doing for Others, Brings Peace

“It’s up to you today to start making healthy choices. Not choices that are just healthy for your body, but healthy for your mind.”

Steve Maraboli

Mental health and the draw that it has on your happiness is monumental. That draw is also multi-faceted. We could be looking at the mental illness side of mental health; self care and what that means to your thoughts; and even your temperament – how you talk to yourself and how you talk to others – it all effects your mental wellness.

Right now is a very trying time – I would daresay we aren’t even in the thick of things when it comes to COVID-19 (at least not where I live). These times: staying in our homes, making certain we are abiding by the “rules”, social distancing, and stressing about our friends and family, really taxes our mental state. And often times it is really hard to keep it all in perspective. And all of THAT influences our overall health and happiness.

I said in a previous post that I don’t know anyone who is happy, who doesn’t have all three elements of their wellbeing “situated” – their emotional and mental wellbeing, their physical health, and some sort of growth mindset. If they are physically in the best health of their life, but they can’t stand their job, or they are stressed to the max at home, life is not going to feel balanced. Or, if they love their job, but it is stagnant and they don’t feel like they are goal setting or striving for anything more, then they will feel like they’re in a rut. And if almost all aspects of their life seem peachy – they are taking courses to keep their brain active, they are happy in their family life – but they are unhealthy, physically, then that is going to weigh pretty heavily on their overall contentment.

Why all this matters and what got me thinking about this, is due to a slight nuance in my disposition the other day.

I am a pretty private person (I know, right – this blog really demonstrates that). But really, I don’t open up to many people. I don’t even really open up to my family members (outside of my husband and children). I don’t post personal things on Facebook (as in, if I am sick or my children are sick, you probably won’t know it). I am an introverted personality type, who spends so.much.time. with people (typically), that when I have a choice to NOT interact, I usually jump at it. That means that I am the one who ducks when I see you at the grocery store (or Target – definitely Target – I love that place). I don’t hang out with people after work (I would rather be home – unless I am meeting you at the gym). I don’t even typically send the Happy Birthday messages on Facebook (nor do I comment on a post unless there is something that I really feel compelled to react to).

It’s not because I don’t like you (please don’t take offense if you see me duck and cover) – it is simply that most often the expenditure of energy feels too great. Or, I am in a super rush (it is only within the last little bit of time that I have gotten my “time” routine down. I have a few friends who will attest to this). Similarly, if I do hunt you down, that’s a big deal! At least it is for me.

This picture of my oldest daughter makes me feel like she is blowing wishes and happiness to those around her.

What I do love doing so much though, is small acts of kindness. That is my favorite. Continuing a “payment” thread through the Dunkin’ drive-thru line – sure, I’ll pass it on and buy the person’s coffee behind me. Sending small gifts to people who need some support – someone who had to put their dog down, or someone who’s lost their mom. Buying someone a shake and delivering it their work just because I know that it would make their day better, and I have the time and ability. Asking my kids to write notes to their friends and people they love, because I know it would bring a smile to their face (and it teaches my kids some lessons).

But I don’t get to do those things every day (unfortunately).

Amazing pumpkin chocolate chip cookies that we made to send in to the healthcare workers at my husband’s place of employment. I loved making these so they’d have an added bit of happiness to their stressful day.

However, back to the other day – I started thinking about humanity. And what I want out of life and out of people. This virus has really shown some true colors: we have some people packing food for those who don’t otherwise know how they would feed their family, and then we have people hoarding toilet paper and cleaning supplies so that others can’t access them (what is happening to this world?!?). So, I did a few little things that were slightly opposite of what I normally would have done – I shared some posts for people on Facebook. I wrote a few birthday messages, and I sent some positive and supportive comments on items that I probably wouldn’t have, on a “normal” day. I also sent an email, thanking someone for all of their hard work, and made sure that they knew we felt better, in current circumstances, because they were in charge.

And, the reason why the above matters, has to do with what the outcome was after I did all of those things!!

First of all, I was lighter. Happier. I had a feeling of productivity. Which was interesting since I didn’t really do anything. BUT, I definitely felt accomplished. And when I analyzed that feeling, I realized that I kind of did accomplish something – just in a different way of thinking: I accomplished a sense of peace and happiness that one only typically feels when they are being of service to others. My deeds were little baby deeds, and even though I talk about not having the energy to engage sometimes, they required a minimal amount of energy.

Secondly, it was like the universe smiled at me for them. Don’t write me off as crazy yet (I’ll prove that end of things later – ha!). But it really did feel like that! Because I was putting out, perhaps, a good energy, I got some good energy back! I received some really sweet correspondence from 2 people regarding this very blog (something I desperately needed to hear, which felt like validation). Three people shared the idea of my blog in a few different locations, and someone told me that they added one of their family members to one of my social media accounts, because they really wanted access to it (which links back to my blog).

Now maybe those things would have happened anyway, but they certainly felt more connected to my own decision making than not. It also felt like all of the positive energy being focused around my blog, was because I had just promoted it online. And that was a big step for me! I have great dreams to make this successful. So because this is what is often on the top-most part of my brain (at least, lately), it is where the positive responses seemed to settle. (I will 100% take it!)

Really, I guess the lesson here is: spending a little more energy to check on someone, or to say hello, or to simply engage and be a “positive” on humanity, puts so much healthy, happy, and purposeful emotions into the world. And you don’t have to be an alternative thinker to rationalize how this may be a benefit to you; if nothing else, you should at least recognize your acts as a benefit to others, if you can’t get behind positive energies building off from other positive energies.

We could all really use some extra love, comfort, and even attention (this darn social distancing thing!). And doing things for others, putting their needs before your own in whatever manner that is, brings an incredible feeling of peace and happiness. Now is the perfect time to test this theory. And you can always feel free to give me a little comment on what you chose to do, or how those choices made you feel. I promise to work harder at making those decisions and choosing those things, myself, if you promise to do the same. Let’s do this together.

I love this poem SO much. A student brought it into me and I read it to all of my classes. The question here is perfect for the conclusion of this blog post – are you a builder or a wrecker?